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Relax
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13 thoughts on “Relax”
It really isn’t about worrying, but I’ve spent plenty of time doing that. This past week, I’ve asked Latin teachers who were at the CI training this summer to report in. I acknowledged to them up front that it’s this time of the year when newbies feel overwhelmed, exhausted, self-doubt, etc. It’s also when they silently throw in the towel and go back to “how they know how to teach”.
The stories have been coming in, and they have been filled with wonder and some really painful stories. They are exhausted. They self-doubt after every class, every day. They wonder if they are doing their student harm because they haven’t taught them how to fulling decline nouns in the first three declensions by now, and none of them know what “genitive” means.
All of this is sort of necessary even though it’s not. For all that you said in your post, Ben, this is not difficult-to-be-worried-over work. It really can be very easy, but some of us (okay,I think it’s most of us) have a lot of crap to work through in order to see that. I’m beginning to see and feel that in my own work, and that’s a delight for me. It’s a delight to be able to tell some of my colleagues who are exhausted right now that this can be easy. They have to trust it. They can let go of the stuff they worry about.
What has amazed me most about their reports is that they will “confess” up front that none of their CI classes has been anything close to perfect (and they lament the litany of mistakes) and then describe some amazing classes. Really amazing.
Yep. What y’all said. Just returned from Maine. Lovely Maine. Lovely people. Laurie’s whole overriding “theme” (but not really a theme bc it’s not about “themes”) was love the kids. Skip’s whole “theme” was “love the kids.” Sabrina’s whole “theme” was “love the kids.” Everyone in the coaching session on Sat. was all about being present so the magic could emerge. Can’t force this stuff.
When you go to a conference and the presenter’s first sentence is “We are making heart connections.” That pretty much sums it up. You either feel it or you don’t. If you don’t –no judgement on that. Everyone is on their own path at their own pace. Everything Ben & Bob state here about having to go through our stuff is right on. We get caught up in externalities for a variety of reasons. Compelling reasons. Survival reasons. All part of the journey.
Laurie said “I think we acquire the practice of TCI much like we acquire language…you can’t put it on a time frame.” Totally agree. There is no road. YOu just said this, channeling Machado right? “Caminante no hay camino / se hace el camino al andar” We make the road by walking.
“the best language teachers in the world are mothers”
Yep. ‘Nuff said. My path in my work is in my heart, leading deeper in.
Credit Suan Gross on that great line, by the way. Her point was to show truly how linguistics may be good for motivated graduate students, but if you want to teach a language, you’ve got to use some of that mama mojo. Feelings count in how the students perceive the class.
Bob said, They are exhausted. They self-doubt after every class, every day. They wonder if they are doing their student harm because they haven’t taught them how to fulling decline nouns in the first three declensions by now, and none of them know what “genitive” means.
This is a wise statement. I do this every single day. I have self-doubt every day. I get angry at myself and wonder why I can’t do this better and then I do just as Ben describes. I think that if only I was better. If only I could do the method better, the kids would be better. It’s the blame. It’s the self-hate. It’s really what I do. This work is so emotional because it is more than just loving the kids. It is loving oneself. I have to tell myself that I am doing the best that I can, that I am working to provide kids with great education and that I love the kids and I love myself.
Two years ago, I began to do some of this work and my son was born. These two events have changed me forever. Now, I have to begin to love myself and them. Herein lies the most difficult work. The other aspects of teaching will come, but only after the hardest work has been done: Loving yourself and them.
Absolutely!
Jeffery, thank you for getting to the core of it all: “I have self-doubt every day. I get angry at myself and wonder why I can’t do this better and then I do just as Ben describes. I think that if only I was better. If only I could do the method better, the kids would be better. It’s the blame. It’s the self-hate. It’s really what I do. This work is so emotional because it is more than just loving the kids. It is loving oneself”
Is there anyone out there who has not had this soundtrack running through their mind? Thank you for the reminder that this is a story we tell ourselves and it is not even real. It is really the root of violence. We can’t shift what is “out there” unless we make the shift inside. Thank you for the clarity on this. Really powerful.
I was asking the kids where they went last weekend, just to have some casual talk in Spanish (Adonde fuiste el fin de semana pasado?) and I got some general answers, ok, cool. I went to Applebees, I went to Central Park, etc.
Then out of nowhere this one kid said, I went to Narnia with Lucy last weekend, and everyone (myself included) laughed. And we loved it. And the mood in the room went up 10 levels.
You can’t plan that kind of things. And I think it happened because I just walked around the room, listening to everyone, patient and calm, not a care in the world or even my eye on the clock. It was just me and them in Spanish class chatting about our weekends.
My best days are when I relax. When I let things flow and when I don’t try to control everything (or even anything sometimes).
Alfie Kohn says in “Beyond Discipline” that teachers have this thought that they must be in control of everything and everyone. We think we must be stoic and steely and rigid. But it works against us because who can communicate with a robot. Who likes going to a robot’s class?
One of the thing us CI teachers have going for us is the real connection we have with our kids, and they appreciate it, as much as I do looking forward to all my classes everyday and just hanging out with a wonderful bunch of kids, being patient, and remembering, they’re just children.
AMEN!!! 🙂
Great post. But I always kick myself because it ALWAYS seems there’s something useful I’ve forgotten to include by year’s end. I don’t worry about where things go, but I do worry about helping kids acquire all the tools they need.
Two pull-quotes I will try to remember, Ben:
“I increasingly am able to give myself permission to let go of the need to be a really good language teacher.”
and ” Each class will thus be different. Don’t fear that. Just bring the comprehensible input. ”
This is my fifth year with this method and I am sometimes full of self-doubts; seeing how far I fall short from the mark of being great. But the kids are relaxed and happy and genuinely trying to go with the flow of this way of teaching. I need to praise them more–need to point out how much they’ve learned and tell them how much better they’ll be in another couple of months.
And yes, each class has such a different feel to it, such a different energy (or lack thereof). I don’t have to be great; I just have to believe, deep-down, that I am on the right road. Others may be much farther along, but I’m on the right road.
This whole PLC has helped me to relax.
First, I do not have to come up with stories. I can just start asking questions.
Second, I don’t have worry about the beginning/middle/end thing. If we run out of steam, interest, or ideas with a discussion, I can redirect everything.
Third, I don’t have to be concerned with whether I am asking some balance of questions. Ben mentioned recently something about the preponderance of yes/no questions. Before I read that comment I was having doubts about asking too many yes/no and either/or questions, even though I felt like I was providing more input and a higher level of energy.
So thanks for the specifically posted reminder to relax. But thanks for so many ways I keep hearing all of you say to relax.
Jeff that word self hate has a charge to it. When I read what you wrote there I thought it was a little strong. But it isn’t. It’s honest. We live in a society that from the time we were just little kids we have been feeling this pressure to be something, just something, that we are not. So we learned from some person or a collective group of adults that we were not good enough. So we started to compete and forgot about just cooperation. So then when we started teaching we were competing with this image every teacher in the building has of a dynamic, intense, organized, wonderful teacher. It’s very much like the way Hollywood sells a certain body type to young girls and if they don’t have that body type they learn to hate themselves for it. May God in his mercy help us on that one. So when you talk about breaking free and loving yourself, Jeff, in spite of the total shittiest class ever taught in the history of the world, you are making a statement. Yes, like jen said, this is core. We can learn to forgive ourselves for not being Blaine Ray or Susan Gross. Man, that’s a big one. Thanks as always for your particular brand of vulnerability and honesty. And people wonder why I want this blog private. Get real.
Thanks for this on this Friday! We have to work with the energy present in the room, but ultimately we have to set the tone as positive!