Martin Anders was the first person who ever joined this PLC, ten years ago. He writes from Germany:
Dear Ben,
“But how can we show up as human beings when we are not even able to do this in our own private lives, in our relationship with others who are important to us? We cannot reach the heart of our students when our own hearts are heavy with fear or anger or arrogance.“
When I wrote this down in the plane on my trip back from the Agen workshop, I had no idea that these words might turn out prophetic for my own personal situation.
We started the school year in the first week of September, and I had hardly finished my third week when a class with my difficult group of 6th graders got out of hand and changed into kind of a battle about classroom rules, leaving me sad and exhausted in the end.
The next day already I could feel the consequences on my mood, my enthusiasm and my strength when a simple look from my colleague Petra and a question about how I was feeling were sufficient to make tears roll down my cheeks. Had I said more than a few vague explanations, I would not have been able to give my last class of the day.
So after class I reported sick for the afternoon conference and the next day and went home, asking my wife to join me for a trip to the seashore where our caravan stands all year.
I cried a lot that week-end, realizing that I had pulled myself together for far too long. Many things came up during our conversations: long-forgotten disputes and conflicts we had never talked about again, my being strained and overworked when my wife was completely down some years ago when being kicked out of her job (at our school, by the way) and discovering her chronic disease, our lack of communication during the last months, etc. I felt completely exhausted – burned out.
Well, we both knew what was necessary then: staying at home for quite some time, looking for psychological help, re-organizing family life, maybe some kind of rehabilitation, and – of course – being happy to be able to talk about everything again, helping each other, recollecting all the spiritual things we used to do in former years.
I don’t know yet when or if I will be able to return to school. Thanks to you and many others I have learned so much about teaching languages all these years and would like to continue for the one and a half years left until my official retirement in 2018. But without recovering my strength during the weeks and months to come I know that it won’t be possible.
I understand so well your regrets, Ben, for not having discovered TPRS earlier in your career because I am in a similar situation. So many years on the verge of burnout, so many unhappy or disappointed students, so much work at home done for nothing. One more reason to be uncompromising whenever possible and insist on staying in the pure land of CI, insist on the power of simply talking to our students and have them read. The simplicity of Krashen’s and Beniko Mason’s message is overwhelming.
So let us continue to become more authentic teachers and model the method without resignation, anger or arrogance. For many teachers in the world are simply frightened to leave their comfort zone and meet their students as real human beings. I hope to be able at least to contribute to this task. And I hope to see you next year in Agen.
Yours Martin