Got this from a colleague:
Dear PLC friends,
I need your help with a difficult situation at school. I am writing to you to sort out my thoughts, but also for your support.
Today I was called in to talk with one of the high school counselors who told me that some students in my class have commented to their parents in a carpool that I was a “perv” and “pedophile.” I was shocked. I am not, have never been and will never be a pervert or pedophile. I am 100% confident in who I am, that I’ve never done anything inappropriate to a young person. My soul is calm even though my heart is pounding with adrenaline because I’m upset with these accusations.
Fortunately, the counselor is a person who likes me as a teacher, knows me very well, and whom I knows very well, so I felt safe with her to have this conversation. She advocated for me with the admin. She speculated that “perv” is used loosely amongst kids nowadays to refer to someone who does something gross, not sexual, but of course the parents didn’t hear that, they heard pervert.
First incident, a month ago, in class:
Just before class a girl snapped the bra strap another girl, ouch! Second girl protested loudly and retaliated on first girl. In a naive attempt at levity, I announced to the class that we would tally how many bra strap snaps these two girls would do. Bad move. One of the bra strap snappers felt like I should have protected her, not encouraged it. She’s right. Both girls should have been sent to the office. Some mothers heard about it and were upset.
Lessons learned: Don’t underestimate how sensitive young women feel about anything having to do with their bodies; As a teacher, especially as a man, don’t go there or let other students go there.
Second incident, same class, a week ago:
In the middle of an oral story I attempted to go for BEP (unusual details) to keep the student interest high. The target structures included “Could eat” and “Wanted to eat” so, anticipating this, I bought a mega pack of sugarless chewing gum. During the story we established that student M. could eat many sticks of gum, and later I accepted a student suggestion that he wanted to eat gum that other students had already eaten, so called ABC gum (already-been-chewed). Bad move. I took some new gum out of the wrapper, touched it to the tongue of a student who volunteered, and then offered it to M. who gladly accepted. This repeated with other 2-3 other students, until M. had 5 or so pieces of gum in his mouth, which he happily chewed. All the while we had tremendous student engagement and participation in the circling of “Could eat” and “Wanted to eat.” This was so compelling that students discussed in their carpool and that’s how the word “perv” was used, obviously not a sexual connotation, but perhaps meaning “gross.” But upset parents complained, so I’m in the hot seat.
Lessons learned: Even though students don’t care much about hygiene, their parents really do care; Don’t go for extreme BEP; Protect your job; Students can say things without knowing what they mean. Don’t accept student suggestions for answers to questions that have anything to do with sex, drugs or rock ‘n roll …or extreme grossness.
Incident three, from last year, same group I had for Spanish 1:
Students were about to do a 10 minute writing assignment. I ran through my usual pre-writing talk, which included encouraging them to not try to write with language from their sophisticated English speaking mind, but rather to write as if they were, perhaps, Spanish speaking kindergarteners, by using short sentences of 3-4 words. (I taught kindergarten for 7 years, and enjoyed it.) I think I might have referred to them as “my Spanish-speaking babies,” but I’m not sure. Generally I am an affectionate person, it’s easy for me to genuinely like my students and show it with a smile or kind word. Somehow, based on this incident, a student later referred to me as a “pedophile.”
BTW I never touch my students, especially female students, except with permission and even then only on the shoulder with a finger, for example, when it’s time to lip-synch some dialogue, etc.
Lessons learned:
I dunno; I’m stumped on this one…Maybe Teenagers don’t like being called babies? Teenagers use words like pedophile without knowing it can wreck someone’s career?? What do you think?
That’s it. There are no accusations of inappropriate touching or anything like that, but the admin is concerned and that is not good. I don’t know if you can relate to any of this, maybe you can and might choose to share about your situation. Some of this is about me having a bit more common sense (no more snapping bra straps, ABC gum!). Some of it is about the strong words students used to refer to me.
I know that men teachers are especially concerned about this, false accusations, and so my advice is to be even more cautious than you already are. We must model complete integrity and be utterly beyond reproach, especially those of us who teach high school students.
I’m considering talking to the whole class about this, without accusing anyone of saying anything, but making it clear that my missteps/mistakes have made some students feel uncomfortable, and I regret that. Also, that our stories might be a little bland in the future when compared to previous stories. Also, that words like “perv” and “pedophile” are very upsetting to parents and that students need to know that they should never be used lightly. I’m not sure about whether to bring up this last idea. What do you think?
Thanks for reading this and responding. It helps me to write and know that I’ll hear from you, even though I’d prefer to remain anonymous.