I got this email from jen today. It could have been anyone of us but it was jen. Due to it’s intensity, I’m limiting posts for four days for us to properly appreciate and react to what is going on as she takes – to say it mildly – some heat. We need a brain break here anyway. Many of us have known jen for a long time and she is, after all, the author of the most important document we have every created in this PLC. So here’s the report from New Hampshire:
I’m not sure whether I am asking for someone to talk me down from the ledge or for someone to help me stitch a parachute so I can jump.
Just got out of a dept. meeting that completely blindsided me. I’ll try to stick to just the facts so I don’r ramble endlessly, but in essence:
1) There is “a problem” in our dept.
2) Nobody will tell us what “it” is but we are under scrutiny for “it”?
3) Nobody has been in my classroom to see me teach (ha! except for MB from our wonderful community)
4) I am going to be evaluated this fall.
5) The person evaluating me does not get CI at all, doesn’t believe in any of the language acquisition stuff.
6) I feel completely deflated and could easily resign tonight. Not kidding about this.
7) I feel really sad because in my classroom there is magic happening and I love it, but nobody sees it therefore it doesn’t exist AND it won’t ever mesh with what my dept. head does and believes (even though she says warily “TPRS is ok” in a really skeevy tone as if it somehow creeps her out, which it probably does.)
So…am I done? Do I bail now right before the school year starts? Do I hang in there, keep my classroom door shut and just have fun with the kids?
I knew I was up for evaluation, and actually was excited before today. I have been begging for people to stop in anytime to my classroom. Before today I was genuinely excited about my classes, looking forward to the kids. Now, I wonder if the continual outpouring of my life energy (and a lot of my own funds) is serving me in this place.
OHHHHH!!!! Another thing DH said to me ” I don’t know about talking abou the weekend every Monday…sounds kind of boring…” WTF? How did she even think of this? Kids beg to do this. and they get on me when I skip it. I think what happened is she is getting info from the 3 kids who complained last year “missed her way of teaching” etc. BUT SHE HAS NEVER BEEN IN MY CLASSROOM SO HOW DARE SHE SLAM ME FOR SHIT THAT IS HEARSAY! AND FOR THAT MATTER HOW DARE ANYONE DOLE OUT VAGUE CRITICISM WHEN NOBODY HAS BEEN IN MY CLASSROOM. ARRRRGGGHHH!
Advice? Stick it out? Lean into the discomfort and get curious about it? Sorry if I am whining. I really cannot discern between venting and whining right now because my BFF from school retired in June and now there is nobody at school to talk to.