There is a grammar presence in school buildings that can force even the bravest among us down to our knees. There is mental and emotional pain that comes with dealing with that presence, which is a kind of dark and shadowy thing. This presence hides.
Naming it here over the years has helped us to not feel so alone. Our successes in the classroom have undoubtedly helped. When we honestly share with each other what we are going through, the shredding we are going through, things become better.
But still that dark presence is there. The email below was sent to me by a member of our community. It expresses raw emotions, and I would bet that right about now as things wrap for our break there are more than a few of us who can relate to what she says here:
Ben,
I haven’t been happy teaching. Not once. My experience has been that in high school the kids thought they were too cool for CI, and my colleagues didn’t take me seriously. Now in middle school the kids won’t shut up so CI doesn’t work. I know it’s too soon to tell – it’s week two for me with this middle school group, but it’s all I’ve experienced this far.
I didn’t become a teacher to:
– teach someone else’s false curriculum
– have my hours of professional development questioned by someone who doesn’t have teaching training
– spend my day hushing kids
– be surrounded by idiots
– accompany gossipers at lunch
Some of these are unavoidable in teaching, and some are just bad luck with my first teaching jobs. Either way, I am not interesting in this kind of work, and not sure any advice can alter my experience, or persuade me to “keep trucking along” if that experience continues.