Laurie Clarcq writes to Angie in this tour de force comment, but it applies to all young teachers:
The things that concern you are the same things that concern us all. There comes a point when you realize that apprehension and uncertainty are givens in the classroom. It is that way with any relationship worth having. We make ourselves vulnerable in order to offer the best of ourselves to the relationship. On any given day, we may not get back what we think the relationship needs.
We learn to stop measuring the value of what we get back in comparison to what we have given. At least if we want to stay sane we do. Like a good relationship, there is no “right” percentage of give and take. Some days you will give 100% and others 200%…so don’t feel badly if one day it feels like you only have 50 % to offer. Some days they will give you 100 % (for them…they are teenagers!!) and they don’t yet know how to give 200% to anything outside of their own bubble. There will be many days when it appears that they aren’t giving you their 50%. That too is par for the course and in time will seem less and less about you personally.
The beauty of this method is that we have so many moments when we can pay close attention to each moment that we are there. Whenever you can do that, THAT is an incredible gift. In the moment, REALLY in the moment, requires that we let go of the worry, the fear, the insecurities….because then it is no longer about us…it is about the moment.
When you want to evaluate how it’s going….think about when you were able to enjoy them. The fact that you can, and do, find those moments now tells me that you are truly doing a wonderful job.
The worries are human, but serve no purpose.
I’m proud of you…and so happy for your students. They are incredibly lucky to have you.
with love,
Laurie