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Every Day Feels Like a Job Interview
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13 thoughts on “Every Day Feels Like a Job Interview”
For me it was 6 burnouts in 38 years. All happened before TPRS as an AP French Lang/Lit. teacher. They weren’t pretty. I had confused unimportant things for important things. Only God helped me through it.
Each of us has at least one story, right? Who HASN’T burned out at least once?
John’s message reminds me of a situation years ago at Heathwood Hall Episcopal School in Columbia, SC where a colleague couldn’t get a sub in time and her husband, who worked in the corporate sector, worked for her that day. He left shell shocked saying he would never do it again.
I do feel that my one-pointed focus on TPRS for the past fifteen years has been motivated to a very high intent by the knowledge that I really really really really needed to find another way to teach before I burned out again. Plus, if it’s not fun, why do it?
John always shares wise things here. The point he raises here is particularly wise.
I appreciate this post, John. As many folks know here on the blog, I have struggled mightily with mental health issues since becoming a teacher…stuff I had never dealt with before (I came to teaching in my 40s). I don’t resent dealing with myself, in fact I think it’s one of the gifts of this whole experience, but I ask myself the same questions that John posits here…what can I do to make this sustainable???? I’ve learned a lot about my own limits and how to honor them. To not compare myself to what others seem to be able to do…leading trips and groups, organizing concerts, etc…A wise teacher reminded me recently that we each have to be our own creature. An eagle doesn’t swim so well, and a dolphin can only fly for about 7 seconds. It makes sense to focus on what we have to offer and cultivate that, rather than push ourselves to do aspects of the job that we are not so good at. My current challenge is what to do with the build-up of anxiety and exhaustion that leads me to do a lot of venting and pointless complaining with other teachers, trying to find a solution to unsolvable problems while we’re tired and discouraged. Tired, discouraged people are not at our most creative. Rest is coming. Amazing how long three more weeks sounds, but rest is coming. And with rest, renewal. Now is not the time to think about how we’ve built a system that brings out the worst in people. Especially when last night I saw and heard the school bands and singers perform beautiful music…those same cranky kids….shining.
Right on dearest Angie. Right on!
A position in social studies is a little rare in my area, so a colleague of mine was interviewed at a charter school in LA very much like above. He had to leave a moment to throw up. He was interested but too little pay for the area. He stayed in the valley where the cost of living is cheaper. Why do admins so this? Why us there a culture like this? Why do they constantly haze us?
To answer the question John, I do not think that this work is sustainable under bad conditions this includes school culture, admins, hostile colleagues. The thing is that we cannot allow it to happen. If we allow it, it will get worse.
Yes. This is the “new” (actually ancient but since time is spiraling I guess new again) frontier: a balanced life connected to natural cycles. Hmm. Is it possible to work in the synthetic box and still maintain a natural rhythm? Maybe.
I’ve found glimpses of this here in crazytown USA. If you have a lazy gene like me, it is a bit easier to “just say no”. For me it has come down to letting go of a lot. All the time. Everyday I fight the battle of giving myself a break when I get into the “I should” vortex that usually happens as a result of me comparing myself to the other teachers that Angie mentioned above.
This is why I’m so reluctant to job hunt and to be a new teacher in another school. I’ve mostly dialed in how I can sustain being here, and it’s actually quite nice. I have a ton of autonomy, nobody I am sending my students to where I need to worry about “covering” stuff. I get to create the program from scratch since nobody has stayed on more than a year. All that said, my position was cut, so….
When I look at other jobs out there with their departments of 8 and 10 teachers, the vertical alignment with high school, the textbook order of events disguised as a “well crafted scope and sequence,” I just get this heavy heavy feeling. Even though the salaries are higher. Not worth it to me. Ooh, there was one position where the WL dept had its own little package of “expectations for WL students” with pages of admonitions and “helpful hints to succeed” like writing down all the vocabulary words 3x each every night to prepare for the class discussions. Um. No. So I guess yes and no is the answer to the question. I want to do this work in a place where I’m not micromanaged. Is that too much to ask?
Bottom line for me is that I feel like if I buy into the crazy train (which is really scary in schools, with the “teacher as masochist” culture), then I’m perpetuating that and modeling that to my students, and they just get that there is only one way to be. It shores up all the labels that we work so hard to dissolve. This fuels so much of the anxiety rampant today. I get to be myself and that is what I have to offer. I’m done with trying to be the boxed version. That serves nobody.
“Everyday I fight the battle of giving myself a break when I get into the “I should” vortex …”
We should be at a place of “I want to…” instead of the above.
Another thing that really sticks out to me is that this is also what many of our students constantly feel in the school setting. They have all sorts of pressure placed on them, and so much uncertainty while they’re also struggling with figuring out who they are and their place in the world. Finding balance (or at least getting closer to it) is one of my major goals currently, and a lot of that has to do with allowing myself to take breaks and not pressure myself to go go go all the time. It’s definitely not something that’s easy for me. But, I’ve found that going more slowly, taking breaks to have fun or be creative in some way (or even just have the kids read, write, draw, or work on some little project for my own mental health) allows me to be more present and simply a little bit more sane than I would be otherwise. I’ve also been trying to take about 5 minutes or so each day just to write down what I’m thankful for, and that has really helped me to focus on the ways in which I’ve been blessed, even when it’s so much easier to focus on difficulties and where I think I “should” be. Today I’m thankful for all of you, and for learning more about how to relax and reduce my anxiety as a teacher through Comprehensible Input and TPRS. Thank you everyone for sharing where you’re at. You’re not alone.
Wise words Bryan. This work is not easy but if we create good habits for mental health then our instruction goes deeper, the kids feel it, they see our faces with joy instead of frustration.
This reminds me of a story on NPR I heard recently about someone who is promoting mindfulness training for teachers, to deal with the stresses of the job. She spoke about the stresses she faced as a teacher, and how mindfulness, meditation, etc. really helped her. Two things bugged me about this: 1) is that there is an assumption that teachers will always have it this tough–whereas the push for smaller classes and fewer sections is what will accomplish this more effectively for more teachers. 2) this person is no longer teaching, but consulting for teachers, so she solved the problem for herself.
“whereas the push for smaller classes and fewer sections is what will accomplish this more effectively for more teachers.” So true for California. Luckily my French classes are small and there will be 2 french 2 classes doing their second year of TPRS!
John asked, “is this kind of work physically sustainable long-term, and what can we do to make it sustainable?” Good question.
I can’t get through a single day without feeling like I should be protesting this system instead of working for it. Constant conflict dealing with all the feelings, and knowledge that the system is not natural. I mean, kids in a building for the majority of daylight hours to be taught things they’re not really interested in?
I can deal with the compulsory aspect of some form of schooling despite deeply appreciating Taylor-Gatto’s message. It’s the constant behaviorism and competition that gets to me more and more. I want to figure out how I can create solace from all this in my classroom, but to do so in isolation of the rest of the building culture may be wheel-spinning. When it is working though, when I make it work… I LOVE the process of seeing smiles on kids’ faces as we bullshit in a completely new language about this and that and the other thing. It really is special work.
Angie, hard to believe you’re in your 40’s from that video you showed, very youthful you are.
I wonder if TPRS/CI teachers could get together and create their own language school something like Elissa has done: https://expressfluency.com/
How powerful would it be that people would start to recognize if you want to learn a language you go there because language learning doesn’t happen elsewhere.
Boy would that take care of a lot of ills without the overhead of administration who don’t have a clue. We can dream anyway and maybe at some point a few more teachers will be in a position to do something like this.
Matthew, you dream is awesome. It’s possible to setup a charter school with an “international” slant such as business etc… It’s just a matter of organizing a small group of dedicated people.