Love – 5

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14 thoughts on “Love – 5”

  1. When I was in New Delhi I met two foreign ministers from Bhutan. Gross National Happiness is a philosophy that guides the government of Bhutan. It includes an index which is used to measure the collective happiness and well-being of a population. Gross National Happiness is instituted as the goal of the government of Bhutan in the Constitution of Bhutan, enacted on 18 July 2008.

    Why can’t we do that?

    Actually, I do remember that both of those guys were really pissed off that day bc of a cricket match or something….KIDDING….

  2. Alisa Shapiro-Rosenberg

    How is it that we can go around preaching that there are no shortcuts, our Ss need thousands of hours of compelling input to gain proficiency – we know this – and then beat ourselves up when other social/emotional issue crop up during our classes? We admit and defer to the Black Box, but then we pretend that we can teach manners and morals and all sorts of common courtesy – and when they aren’t reflected back, we feel like phony failures. When we can’t ‘figure out’ the motives of our ever-changing and developing kids, we feel unworthy… Even when we don’t often understand our own motives and behaviors…
    I need to do some more Yoga and meditation. I need to ‘just sit’ with these mysteries, and also to let go of shit I can’t control.

  3. And now that I’m getting older I’m finding out that there is a LOT less that we can control than we think. We want to be good so much but we can’t force our way there. That describes a lot of teachers who need to forgive themselves for not solving all of society’s ills by themselves. The one whom I think really gets that in our group is Sean. Maybe I have that wrong but the dude seems to float above a lot of the stuff he can’t change. He marches, but with soft, unbound feet.

  4. And jen with all due respect to the sutras what really is meant by the term “avoidable suffering”. Isn’t that like when we say to the kids, “Well, if you just did it right you wouldn’t be in this situation in this class.” Something feels wrong about the term. Isn’t everyone doing their best? I think they are.

    1. Ben, pardon my crude translation and the confusion. The sanskrit term is, of course impossible to translate into other languages, even into words. Sanskrit is so rich with meaning and sound.. The context of that idea was meant to apply to myself, and clearly I had one idea in my head but did not convey it well. ***disclaimer***I am not a scholar of sanskrit but have absorbed a lot of meaning through practice on the mat, through chanting and through reading and reflecting “1% theory, 99% practice,” as they say!

      Basically it is part of our path to notice our suffering and to apply our dedicated practice of detachment and surrender…in order to be able to navigate the many situations we find ourselves in. That part of the sutra talks about how in the process of uncovering layers of habits and patterns to get to our “true self” we will encounter obstacles, and in order to clear them we must face them rather than sidestep. That is the “avoidable suffering” so to speak…to notice a pattern, notice if it is serving us or not. Then future suffering can be avoided by changing the pattern. So this was meant to be a reference to my own pattern of avoidance. The same obstacles will present themselves over and over until we face them and in that action of facing and moving through (by choosing a different path of action) the pattern or obstacle can dissolve. So the “avoidable suffering” I referred to was my own “suffering” of not establishing and upholding clear boundaries. I am getting closer to that but there is still part of the “upholding” that I avoid…so it keeps coming up for me.

      It is why the “behaviors” and such in my classroom cause me to suffer. I don’t interpret this at the moment to be a “self-loathing criticism” but instead an area of clarity and awareness that has arisen (I think?) due to my renewed dedication to my practice of awareness on my mat and in my life (state of yoga arises from pure awareness) and carrying that awareness off the mat and into the world.

      So…long ramble to say that I feel clearer in my renewed sense of boundaries, as Brene Brown says a boundary is simply “what is ok / what is not ok.” In order to give students a model of someone struggling with this, and hopefully making progress. I am up front with them re: boundaries and how they relate to behavior. So I will say stuff like, “the fact that x is still happening is because I told you what the boundary was but then I did not show you with my actions how I was going to keep the boundary in place. So now, this is what will happen if the line is crossed.”

      I know, probably way too much info for a bunch of squirrely 9th graders. But honestly from a “feeling” standpoint, it feels honest for me and also helps us all avoid the pit of judgement. I have to model self-love because nobody else will model that. This is all new territory! It is messy. After all, we are all stumbling around in the dark, right?

      YES Absolutely everyone is doing the best they can given their current level of awareness. I do not take that part of the sutra in a judgemental or punitive way at all, although I can see how one might make that interpretation.

      1. It’s amazing how positively students respond when we apologize for our faults during a little private chat with them. We have to admit, we often say or do things that cross that boundary line we tried establishing beforehand, right jen? We wish that our young people could pick up on the nuances that come with establishing and teasing boundaries, which upperclassmen get more and play with more for the sake of humor, not attitude. But they often don’t understand those nuances.

        I’d say that one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced over the years with this idea of forgiving myself for my failures in teaching CI has to do with students speaking in English (L1). It took awhile for me to let go of that battle. Of course, I still point to the “Support the flow of language” rule on the board, and quiet students who are speaking too much, but I avoid battling with students about this, that is, if I don’t have the energy. I often find non-verbal ways to communicate, “Shut the X%&$@# up!” It’s amazing how tuned in students are to your non-verbal communication. And so many of them are delighted by the exchange of messages sent non-verbally.

        It’s been a challenge because I think, “Oh crap, what if someone walks into my room right now. What are they going to think!” That feeling has dampened in thanks to being respected by students and admin. It’s real hard to not feel like, “I got to make this class look like a legit classroom, now!” when you’re new or your admin doesn’t respect you. So yeah, I’ve been in that situation a few times, where I’m new to the building and neither students nor admin have respect for you. I’ve had to go through that battle to reeducate everyone in the building about foreign language teaching and do so without seeming arrogant. Throughout much of it I learned how to confuse with smoke and mirrors, making sure students know what I’m doing because they always know if you’re fake.

        1. I must say that I have been blessed with the ability to teach in at least three neighborhood high schools now, in Chicago, where admin knows that nothing else works besides building relationship with the kids. These admin haven’t seen the power of CI before me, so they’re very appreciative.

          This is why I love teaching where I teach, because my students care, more than anything, about my interest in who they are and what they’re about; sharing and growing and playing together. I’m sorry that Greg and others seem to not have this experience so much due to those handful of entitled kids in their classrooms dragging down the community experience.

  5. Of course I don’t know much about it either but I sure appreciate your “going there” on the issue of how teachers suffer. It’s like there is this big room in our teaching house that nobody goes into and that is the Room of Suffering. It’s like we can’t go there and even this group, so open and trusting because we are a private and limited (in numbers) group of teachers, rarely go there. Besides you and me and a few others, it seems that nobody wants to talk about how rough and brambly some of the roads in their buildings are these days. It’s January!

    So jen I appreciate so much what you write above, especially this:

    …it is part of our path to notice our suffering and to apply our dedicated practice of detachment and surrender…in order to be able to navigate the many situations we find ourselves in….

    This is rich, really the entire content of that second paragraph is such a wonderful clarification and our readers would do well to consider each word there.

    The fact is, there is something bigger going on than just us trying to get through our careers as teachers. It’s the onion image you refer to, and each teaching day with its incredibly painful and joyful experiences represents another layer of the onion.

    Perhaps this is why many of us brave ones became teachers. Certainly not for the money but for the growth. I can’t imaging a profession one could grow in more than ours.

    You have really opened up our eyes with this statement:

    …the same obstacles will present themselves over and over until we face them and in that action of facing and moving through (by choosing a different path of action) the pattern or obstacle can dissolve…..

    For me that is the beauty of this group. People come and go, the years come and go, there are dry periods and then also periods of heavenly rainfall and growth – just like life! – and through the tears we learn more and more who we are while practicing the life art of loving those whom we sometimes cannot love. What a job!

    1. I agree that jen’s comment here is powerful:

      …The same obstacles will present themselves over and over until we face them and in that action of facing and moving through (by choosing a different path of action) the pattern or obstacle can dissolve…

      I see this as guidance on how to find that joy within we so desperately need to order to get up in the morning and get to our school buildings. Thank you for such sage advice, jen! The hardest part may be in identifying the obstacle. So many of the obstacles that drag our energy down in our classrooms may manifest in a student’s behavior but, in reality, have anchor inside our own fears.

      1. Sean said:

        ..so many of the obstacles that drag our energy down in our classrooms may manifest in a student’s behavior but, in reality, have anchor inside our own fears….

        That says it all. But being Slavic I’ll add to it:

        It takes deep and lengthy introspection, sometimes over a lifetime in the classroom, to get to that awareness. That is why I have kept my focus on classroom management for so long. It’s like, early in a person’s career, we strive to dominate, then in mid-career we see that that can’t work, bc teens are so perceptive, and so we change gradually to exhibit respect and appreciation for our students, who as you say Sean reciprocate with good will, and teaching style/method matter less than how we interact with our students.

        School is a playing field on which we learn to show respect for ourselves and others.

        The thing is, with the Invisibles and ANATS and ANATTY, I have finally hit upon a way that that can happen that is superior to anything else, that brings automatic respect and good will into the classroom almost effortlessly bc we work from images and not word list, which changes everything, and that matters.

        1. Sean sometimes I think of schools as narcissistic. They have that quality. They want to be seen as a cheerful and intelligent leader but on the inside they suck kids’ guts out for their own good.

          One of five people in the general population are narcissists. I would guess that figure in teachers is more like 3 out of 5.

          So we see schools really caring about how they are perceived in their communities, just like individual narcissists. They spend big to get the best football coaches to meet their need to be seen as the best. The spend big on testing and ABSOLUTELY USE the top tier kids to make them look good.

          Then, certain gentle souls who are not narcissists but just want to help suffering children enter the field and get EATEN UP by the narcissist teachers in the building.

          And the beat goes on. So many sensitive teachers have been destroyed at the hands of these narcissistic institutions. In history, in my view and in my deep study of what education can be vs. what it has become now in the Kali Yuga, there has never been a harder time.

          You and jen and the others who have tried to keep our eye on goodness in our careers have suffered far more deeply than our communication over our 15 year history together here – 15 counting the “old blog” before it became a PLC – could ever reveal.

          The suffering has been deeply intense. So many have fallen. This is not hyperbole.

          Just some thoughts.

      2. YES YES YES! Sean we are “anchored in our own fears!” Absolutely. The practice (of life! and teaching! ha!) truly is about noticing these fears / obstacles /etc. and becoming increasingly aware of how we react / approach / move through or around (?)…

        This is what I am learning about myself. So many avoidance patterns right there in front of my eyes and only now am I really seeing them and recognizing that to a certain extent I tend to “kick the can down the road.” EEK! Now that I have noticed I have to do something different! Such an adventure!

        Everyone on this PLC is such a great model of digging deeply into the practices, noticing our straying and wandering and also our sincere effort to recommit. Just this morning I was reading in this cool book, about how we go through periods of stagnation and suffering, and that IS the practice…navigating through it. I think in the “mainstream” or whatever, there is such a strong culture of avoidance that is almost difficult to notice since we are in it. Avoidance of pain, avoidance of certain emotions, and thus the tendency to paint everything in opposition “good” or “bad” etc. which sets us up for constant judgement.

        I truly appreciate this space to notice how these patterns appear in our classrooms, to overcome the impulse to judge ourselves harshly for “not measuring up” (whatever that means) and to find ways to unravel the patterns gently.

  6. And jen please don’t apologize for rambling. That is why I’m not on FB anymore (along with other reasons) – they talk so much there and yet end up saying so little. We want to go narrow and deep here. We want the marrow and not the bone and that requires more and more sharing like you and Greg and Sean and Craig and others have done here – those willing to go into the Room of Suffering and, via the Reports from the Field, share.

    I invite anyone new to the group to share here what is going on with you in honest and transparent ways as jen has done above. We need those Reports from the Field – just email them to me at benslavic@yahoo.com for sharing here as posts – because I don’t know where else on the internet we can share in these open and honest ways. We shouldn’t have to wait for a once-in-a-year evening out together at some conference.

    I love the way we are able to use teaching and discussions about how to use comprehensible input in the most efficient ways in our classrooms as a way to unearth our true potentialities for growth, as you describe above with such heart. It really is an onion, and each day we find more things out about ourselves just as you describe above.

  7. What you/Brene say about boundaries with kids is so applicable to my new/additional thoughts (to what I have already create and written about in recent books and here over the years) re: classroom management. Can’t wait to share this approach to how to deal with the kids but as I said there are two other books in the way. I think it will get through to the 9th graders you refer to. I think it won’t work below middle school, though, and so we’ll rely on our dear Alisa for that information.

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