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Rude Language from Boys 2
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9 thoughts on “Rude Language from Boys 2”
This is awful. I don’t even know what kind of advice I can even offer. At least we’re halfway through the school year!
I agree with what Ben said about the dynamics in the room. It was a male network – and none of them probably realized it. Furthermore, the perpetrator doesn’t get to decide if something is sexual harassment. There are some criteria that must be met, but the victim gets a say in this. One important item is that you state the behavior is unacceptable. Then if it continues, you have a case.
BTW, was there a union rep in the room? After this you should probably refuse to meet with your administration unless there is a union rep in the meeting as well.
One of the things that genuinely concerns me the pre-packaging of education. In spite of being told that all of these packaging techniques “make students more successful” I am skeptical. They are more successful at what? Doing well in school, which is more of the same pre-packaged education. Unfortunately, it doesn’t prepare them for life, which comes at us randomly. Just before Christmas I wanted to show my level 1 class a PowerPoint on German Christmas customs that we would discuss as we went along. I had prepared a sheet of questions to help scaffold the discussion. The first question from the class was, “Are these in the same order as the PowerPoint?” They were unable to handle answering questions that did not come in the same order as the presentation.
I was thinking along the same lines regarding a union rep.
…the first question from the class was, “Are these in the same order as the PowerPoint?”….
This is a HUGE point, one that illustrates, raises the concern, that education in the form above, when kids start asking questions in that kind of machine like fashion without any higher order skills in their arsenal at all, is actually dumbing kids down to robot status. Why would an employer ever want to hire an idiot? And we are producing idiots who can’t converse or think for themselves. Thanks for making that point Robert and thanks also for agreeing with me that what is described above is a sexist event and for pointing out that if it happens again it becomes a legal issue and that the perpetrator doesn’t get any say in the matter.
I twinge inside at this recount of these events and, while I can say i’ve been in similar situations regarding the power structure of my school and classroom, I can’t say that I can truly understand what you’ve been through as a woman in this situation. I’m sorry that you have been put in this situation and I agree that a union rep from here on out is essential.
As for advice, the line that I have learned to use in similar situations is the following, “What is it that you would like your son/daughter to learn from this experience?”
I’ve found that it disarms the parent and can cause almost instantaneous introspection on their part.
I too am sorry that the meeting happened the way it did. In spite of that, props to the teacher for sticking to her guns about the kid’s behavior, and staying on message. I have had parents suggest (subtly and openly) that I don’t have control of my class, and that their wonderful son would NEVER be disrespectful UNLESS a teacher was weak enough to allow them to (which raises another issue of discipline and ethics in parenting) . We must never lose sight of the premiss in these conferences, the acknowledgment by all parties of the student’s unacceptable behavior, and not let the conversation shift focus away from that. The kids just parrot what they hear at home, and it’s no coincidence that the kid who creates chaos in our classroom has the parent who blames us for allowing chaos to exist in the classroom. When we teach CI, we are opening up emotional cans of worms, in class and at home. By facing our fears and being present with our students, and holding them accountable for being present with us, we are shining a spotlight on bad parenting, and there is going to be some blow-back from people who don’t want to face anything. We could avoid these conflicts by handing out worksheets and telling them to shut up. But, as Ben and others have mentioned repeatedly on this list, once you do CI, there is no going back. None of us can choose inauthentic experiences once we’ve done the real thing, even if it’s easier. It’s like Plato’s cave-dwellers choosing to go back to their shackles and shadows.
…when we teach CI, we are opening up emotional cans of worms, in class and at home….
So true, mon vieux, so true.
Reading about your awful experience transported me back to last year when I was in the same situation with a (male) student. Even though his infractions were different from your student (he simply chose not to be present, ever), the father’s reaction was exactly the same. Our meeting also lasted over an hour, mostly with the father – a big time lawyer in the district – berated me for speaking German in the classroom all the time!!!! He also was upset because “….I pay X amount of taxes and this is the kind of crap I get for a teacher for my son!!! Luckily, the (male) principal supported me all the way, also telling the father that he will not allow him to attack my qualifications as a teacher because he is the one who has seen me do it on a daily basis.
Either way, the kid was smirking the whole time through the meeting because he got this wonderful validation from his father, also being infused with the idea that one should be able to buy any education/grade you want as long as you can pay for it.
Unfortunately, the kid was with me for the rest of the year – without ever checking in (and I tried to engage him, believe me) since I am the only German teacher in the building. Funny thing is, I did and continue to feel so bad for this kid, knowing that this is the kind of father (loud, obnoxious, my way or the high way…..) he has to grow up with. I can only imagine how this man treats his wife. Not a good role model for his sons (they have 8 kids) at all. So sad.
I always knew deep down that it wasn’t me or my sub-par teaching style but you do question yourself. At least I do, I can’t help it. My vindication came late but it did come. The kid dropped out of FL after two weeks into the new school year with my colleague on the next level. I guess because he, too, spoke German!!!
Still, there is a sad truth to this – the kid has learned nothing from this whole experience, at least nothing that would make him a better, more compassionate person.
So, whoever you are, you know it’s not you. Keep fighting the good fight – I guess that’s what they mean when they say you lost the battle but you are going to win the war!!! Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it helps all of us who deal with these kinds of things.
A GIANT thank you to all the response to this problem! I was encouraged and supported with your comments through this and I am truly blessed to have you all! I’ve been trying very hard to crack down on these types of situations in my class and I find it difficult to be consistent; I don’t want to squelch the creativity. I can sense them testing me; on Friday one of the same kids raised his hand and said, “if Jesus is the only son of god does that make the rest of us homosexual and bisexual?”. In hindsight I should have kicked him out that moment, I did later after another comment. It’s not too late to write a referral.
As for union representation; they were the first ones i went to that day. I was told that when there is a parent in the room I can’t have any! I know, stupid. So this guy could threaten a lawsuit from across the table and I had to remain mute! Some system we have!
Again thank you for your care, support and shared experiences.